Why I want to help people live a better life
I want to help people live a better and fufilling life but for you to understand the why, I need to tell you the stories behind it.
I want to talk to you about when I lost all my hair, but to get there I must first tell you about the most horrific incident of my life.
2013 valentine's day. four years ago my dad chose to leave this world by jumping in front of a train. I remember it as if it were yesterday, the only difference today is that when I think back, I have more control over my thoughts and feelings and won't let it take over me anymore.
It's hard and sometimes impossible but that's life right?
I can start by telling you that my father was an alcoholic, as long as I can remember he had periods were he drank alot. But the last two years of his life the periods merged and there was no end to his drinking, he became an alcoholic at full time. He called me noumorus times, drunk, sad and confused. He told me that he wanted to end his life, everything would be easier for everyone including himself. I tried everything to help him but how can I help someone that doesn't want it? He was a family man who took his job seriously so what happened? Where did it go wrong?
With debt up to his ears, alcohol became the only escape for him, and it was built in anguish. His job was starting to get affected and I received calls daily from his boss.
My responsibility? Hardly. But of course I was worried, scared and anxious, I took on the responsibility of "parenting".
My first bald spot came at the same time as all this began.
2013 valentine's day. four years ago my dad chose to leave this world by jumping in front of a train. I remember it as if it were yesterday, the only difference today is that when I think back, I have more control over my thoughts and feelings and won't let it take over me anymore.
It's hard and sometimes impossible but that's life right?
I can start by telling you that my father was an alcoholic, as long as I can remember he had periods were he drank alot. But the last two years of his life the periods merged and there was no end to his drinking, he became an alcoholic at full time. He called me noumorus times, drunk, sad and confused. He told me that he wanted to end his life, everything would be easier for everyone including himself. I tried everything to help him but how can I help someone that doesn't want it? He was a family man who took his job seriously so what happened? Where did it go wrong?
With debt up to his ears, alcohol became the only escape for him, and it was built in anguish. His job was starting to get affected and I received calls daily from his boss.
My responsibility? Hardly. But of course I was worried, scared and anxious, I took on the responsibility of "parenting".
My first bald spot came at the same time as all this began.
I so strongly remember the last conversation we had, and it wasn't pretty. He called me with a drunk slurring voice. He wanted me to come over, but I explained that we will not get anywhere if he was under the influence of alcohol.
He cried, begged me to come over, with a more definite voice mixed with panic I told him he was too drunk and needed to sleep it off, - I'll see you tomorrow. My dad did not give up and began telling me that life was not worth living, but he could never explain why.
With tears in in my eyes and shaking hands I was in panic mode. I hung up the phone. The last memory I got from my dad was despair, sadness and the feeling of not wanting to live any longer.
to think back to that particular incident is still really difficult for me. I hung up the phone in his ear when he was in such a horrible .. place? (I can't even find the right word but I hope you understand anyway) that regret will be with me for the rest of my life.
